Not Feeling Your 22

I remember back in November as I walked into the doors of my college apartment as the clock struck midnight my roommates blasted Taylor Swifts 22. I had just turned 22. It really did feel like one of those nights that seemed like anything was possible.

I’m not complaining about my 22nd birthday at all, my friends, coworkers, and family made that birthday one of the best I have ever had. I partied from midnight to midnight with a whole cast of people.

However, I do think that song gave me some bad expectations. Really I think it goes well beyond Swifts song and really into movies and TV shows. Rarely do those moments on-screen talk about what comes next. The moments on screen are all about how beautiful the chapter that is ending was. The friends walk off into whatever back drop suits the situation and the whole thing seems pretty freakin magical.

Naturally as I graduated college and moved away for my next adventure, I felt pretty freakin magical. I felt like I had a plan. Like I knew what the next 5, 10, 15 years had in store for me.

I had a whole plan. I felt like the people in my life where placing the right opportunities in front of me.

Each day after college feels more as if it is hitting me in the face than guiding me into the future. Where is my perfect job, friends that have these spectacular careers, cool apartment, and string of boys that I can hang out well into the night with?

Where is the magic that Taylor promised me? Where is the imagery of being young and carefree at 22? Why can’t I feel like I have no worries? Why don’t I feel like it will all be okay?

Taylor Swift lied to me. But Winona Ryder didn’t.

My aunt showed me the movie Reality Bites one Christmas while in college. What I do recall from the movie is that a group of friends just graduating from college find that it’s no where near what we are all told it will be.

Reality Bites sums up how I feel being 22 is. It kind of sucks. Its kinda hard. It kinda makes me want to be 8 again. It kinda makes me want to drink a lot. It kinda makes me want to stay in my pjs all day. It kinda makes me want to go back to school.

I feel 22 is not having any f’ing idea who you are, what you want to do, or understand where you are or going.

All I know today is that I want to be a writer. I am a writer. I am struggling. I feel alone. I need to get out of the place I am in.

I know that I can move. I know that I can look for a new job. I know that I can keep trying.

And Taylor Swift can take her version of 22 and stick it up her famous-stick-figure-blond-not-living-in-the-real-world-ass and suck it.

 

2 thoughts on “Not Feeling Your 22

  1. Pingback: Writing Into Adulthood – Attempting to Adult

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