Please Don’t Ever Get Old

In the small waiting room of the primary care physician, I couldn’t help but notice all the different kinds of people. A father with his son, a woman who was probably in her late 40’s, a man around his 60’s, a quite elderly woman and her daughter, and me. I sat down in a chair feeling out of place.

The room was quiet while each of us waited for our names to be called. Randomly soft sounds of talking could be heard. I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation between the quite elderly woman and her daughter. The quite elderly woman sat in a wheelchair, the kind that you have permanently, she said to her daughter that she wanted ice cream. Both women positioned close together, the daughter leaned in and asked her mother do you want ice cream? We can go get some afterward, and I almost broke down in tears.

I almost broke down crying in the small waiting room of the primary care physician because of the tone she took with her mother. It wasn’t harsh, but like she was talking to a four-year-old. To me it sounded condescending, of course, I have not lived even in a minute in their shoes but I got a sudden rush of sadness for the future.

All I could think about is I never want to be in that situation with my mom. This isn’t coming from some deep down selfish part of me that doesn’t want to have to take care of my mom when she gets older. Of course, I’d do anything for her, she taught me how to wipe my butt and hold a spoon. Thanks to her I’m not a social pariah.

This comes from a place of not wanting to lose my mom, lose the person she is. I don’t want to ever have to see her look like a shell of the person I knew her to be. I want my mom to always be the person who opens a special bottle of wine to drink with me just because I’m her baby girl. I want my mom to always be the person who gets on a plane with me to travel to a new city. I want my mom to always be the person who I can go to with problems and give me sharp good advice.

I don’t ever want to see my mom sitting in a chair all day not enjoying life. My mom is goofy, she is a master chair dancer with the best facial expressions. My mom is kind, always lending out a hand when a friend or family needs. My mom is graceful, she can forgive others even when I want to punch them for hurting her. My mom is strong, and you’d know it if she told you about her past.

I am a little selfish, I don’t ever want to see my mom get old. I don’t want to dress her afraid I will twist her arm wrong sliding it into a sleeve, I don’t want to help her bathe because she cant hold the weight of a shampoo bottle, I don’t want to brush her head and be afraid of touching her scalp rough. I want my mommy to always be the active, beautiful, loving lady she is now. Spending the whole day trecking around Universal with me. Drinking our way through wineries. Laughing at movies together. Being my scuba buddy. Traveling to see hockey games….

So please mommy don’t ever get old.

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