Old Fashion Kind Of Romance

It seems that everyone my age is either married, engaged, has a significant other, or is using dating apps. No really. I had a good friend from college get married last summer, my best friend is getting married next year, my sister is getting married next weekend, I have a cousin and an old friend from childhood getting married later this year. I have multiple friends who have met old or current boy/girlfriends on all kinds of apps. And then there are people like me. We aren’t married, we aren’t engaged, we aren’t even using apps, we just are. It’s not that we aren’t trying.

Honestly, I have no idea where to start in this dating world anymore. I took such a long break after I got my heart hurt that sometimes I don’t know how to open myself back up. And when it comes to online dating, opening myself up seems like falling off a cliff and knowing it will hurt.

Disclaimer: I have never been on one of those apps before. I have no idea how to even do it. From what I understand you pick people based on pictures and the information they want you to know. It’s like ordering something off of Amazon that doesn’t have a single review. You can see what the product looks like, you can see what they tell you about it but you have never seen the product in real life so what if it is all a lie? What if the product arrives and it happens to come with a mailman that wants to cut you up into tiny pieces in its basement?

My romantic heart doesn’t flutter at the idea. My stomach doesn’t fill with butterflies. My body doesn’t feel that excited nervousness it does before a first date.

What does make my heart flutter, give my stomach butterflies, my whole body nervous is it naturally happening, an old fashion kind of romance.

As my mom’s dad will tell you he saw a babe sitting in church and knew he had to get her attention. He sat behind her crunching carrots loudly until she turned around and the rest is history.

On my dad’s parents first date my Louisiana born and raised grandma told my Texan born and raised grandpa she didn’t like Texans. Guess he knew she was the one, a several weeks after that date he proposed to her.

I want to see someone in a grocery store and bond over our shared favorite addiction to fake cheese, I want to be a regular at a local coffee place and see someone over and over again that we eventually talk and fall madly in love.

I want a natural right time right place kind of romance, the rest of you can keep your apps.

K

Kindness wasn’t something I learned in college or rediscovered. But something I saw a lot of people slip away from.

Maybe it was because we didn’t have our parents watching us or a school that would call mom and dad or teachers that saw us everyday. Maybe it was because we had seen on TV that people our age could act rude, to the point of being world class bitches and it was okay.

We made those kinds of people popular and looked up to them. So when we left the comfort of our homes and ventured out into the real world those mean girls and a-hole guys didn’t have someone guiding them along. They could treat people however they wanted and many people I came across disregarded each other’s feelings.

And maybe that’s just how the real world works. Maybe we put each other down in the hopes it’ll make us temporarily feel better. Maybe we’ve moved away from morals and into momentary self gratification.

We can all be unkind, I think what separates people is those who care. I think if you can look back on a situation where you acted in an unkind manor and only see how you are right then you need a serious reality check. But if you can look back and see how you could have done better, then you are growing in a positive way as a person.

It’s not hard to kick a person when they are down, it’s hard to pick a person up who you have helped kicked down.

Thinking back to my freshmen year it was almost like I could look at the people on my dorm floor and pick out who would or wouldn’t succeed later in life based off their ability to be kind.

Those that only looked out for themselves and put others down around them, always seemed really unhappy to me. And now with almost four years of reflection I look back on all the times I hated living in my dorm room, all the weekends escaped, and I remember the good times.

I choose to remember the friends I made, the 2am nights at Denny making pancake art. The first time I saw Rocky Horror Picture show in the common room. The night we walked to go get froyo as a group. When I narrowly missed getting caught drinking underage on campus 😅. The kindness I was shown.

In the long run, at the end of the day, years later, that person who you thought hated you, may in fact only remember how kind you were to them. And you never know what possibiltys that may lead to.

I didn’t learn about kindness in college. I already knew what it was. What I learned is the importance to be kind to one another.

My final peice of advice, even when they aren’t being kind to you, you get to choose to be kind.

Y’all It’s Not That Hard To Order Chinese

The other day I was asked if I was single or if I was dating someone. I said I wasn’t seeing anyone at the moment. To which they promptly asked how my skills in the kitchen are, because you know the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

And my jaw about hit the damn floor. Let’s keep my actual skills in the kitchen out of this conversation and talk about this stereotype that all women will win a guy over with her cooking skills.

Maybe in the 50s that was a legitament concern of the man of the house, seeing as how eating out wasn’t common and microwaves being scarce in homes.

But today we can get good food at our fingertips. And it’s not even as hard as it was five years ago. Uber eats will deliver all kinds of stuff to your door.

So what the hell does my or any other woman’s cooking skill have to do with getting a man? Is there some secret meeting once a week where all the single men go and try out all the single womens best casserole and wife them on the spot? Cause if there is count me as single.

Honestly I know a lot of men that can cook, and cook good. My dad is an excellent chef, he takes a basic dish and makes it extraordinary! Don’t tell my mom I said this but sometimes I think he’s a better cook then her (it has to do with that eggplant dish mom, you know the one I’m talking about).

Now hold up here, don’t get your boxer briefs in a twist just yet. Sometimes the opposite gender can do something better than the one that is “supposed to do it best”.

I have seen some drag queens who could walk the length of a bar in high heals better than I could walk two feet in them.

I’m not trying to put down women who like to cook either, for some women cooking is a great way to show they appreciate their man, or hell they just like to cook and share it with those they love and care about.

But for some of us, cooking doesn’t come naturally, we have other skill sets. Skill sets that extend outside the household.

For some women we want a career and life outside of staying at home. And for others we want to stay at home and take care of our families. I’ve got one aunt who’s a bad ass professor and another who’s a stay at home that makes her kids world a living adventure, and another who has worked so hard to become a home owner of an adorable place without the help of a second income.

Kick ass women come in all shapes, cooking abilitys, and life styles and we should celebrate the heck out of them.

And stop telling young women the best way to get a man is through his stomach, y’all its not that hard to order Chinese.

H

Happy birthday Barbies were a right of passage in our college apartment. Each of us got one for our 21st birthday.

As you can see from the missing shoe, messed up hair, and thrown up sprinkles it was a night that Barbie me would never forget. Or at least one she would sit in the shower the next morning trying to wash vomit sprinkles out of her hair. Don’t judge me, all of us have a Barbie alter ego who has had to wash thrown up sprinkles out of her hair at least once 😉.

Trust me birthday Barbie looks like she had a way crazier 21st then me. I feel asleep as at a bar during my crawl.

Birthday Barbie was always around as a reminder of how much fun we could be having on any regular night. And as you can see we had a lot of fun with drunk Barbie. It was one of those gifts that kept on giving.

We even got the gang back together for our 22nd birthdays.

And as you can tell Barbie us, while still a little bit of a mess, had really gotten their act together by year 22.

Birthday Barbies was probably the best gift I got for my 21st birthday. They always hung out together, spending holidays and all hours together.

As an adult who has left behind her college apartment, life of writing papers and taking 2 hour naps everyday, having my birthday Barbie sit on my shelf as a reminder of that special friendship I had in college is enough to bring tears to this real girls eyes.

B

Me and Payton party

Butts or more specifically my butt was the topic of a speech given by my best friend at a party in college. It was a night where she first introduced me to her now Fiancées friends and I knew only her in the room. If I hadn’t been buzzed from the drinking it probably would be have been really awkward standing in the middle of a room facing my best friend with her arms wrapped around me talking to a bunch of strangers about how awesome my butt is.

P loves butts, its just one of the things that is uniquely hers. And throughout college we would watch Bobs Burgers, it has always been a running joke that she is Tina and I am Louise. If you’ve never seen the show then you should know that Tina is obsessed with butts and is constantly talking about them.

Having a speech given about how great your butt is a total compliment and a mood booster. If I hadn’t been drinking I probably would have wanted to run out of the room and hide my butt from everyone. One of the best things about college was finding confidence in things that I felt were awkward about me. College felt like one of the first times since I was a little girl that I could really step into who I am as a person and care so much about what others think about me. I have started to realize that the people around me who care about me will accept all my quirks and not shun me for them.

Finding people that care about who you are and not what they want you to be is an important step in becoming an adult. Moving out of my parents’ house and entering the college atmosphere gave me a chance to branch out and find like-minded people who deep down really do care about my happiness and I am grateful for those friends. So P keep the speeches to random strangers about how awesome my butt is coming, my mom totally aggress that I have a cute butt 😉

A

Snapchat-1456694201

Apple Martinis in Bowling Green for my first drink of the day. And by drink, I mean something that wasn’t coming to me in a shot glass. It was my last birthday in College and I had spent the early morning hours taking shots in Denton before briefly sleeping it off to fly to Kentucky for work. I remember almost every part of that day, I was awake for all but about four hours of it.

The calmest part of drinking that day was spent at the Montana Grille, I know we probably should have eaten at some place that was more Kentucky like but y’all this place had some amazing food and an atmosphere to match. I spent that brief period of time with two of my favorite people to travel with. You see I made the guys come out with me on every road trip to eat at a cool place, nothing that we could find back in our local area, which always prompted for interesting nights.

I spent my 22nd birthday with a lot of different people and every moment of it was a blast, resulting in it being my favorite birthday yet. The meal was a moment spent laughing over drinks and good food with friends, a moment in time that made spending my birthday night in a different state a treat. My first drink of the day was more than just a drink, it was a moment I spent celebrating a special part of college and realizing that even though my job as a videographer would end my memories of the people I met and the experiences we shared would remain beautiful to look back upon. With an apple martini in my hand we kicked off the start to a night filled with laughter.

 

Would You Say Yes?

Do you ever have those days that come around, that when you think back to a year ago how different your life is? How in such a short time, as in 365 days, your life was turned upside down and forever changed.

Do you know that feeling you get when one day forever changes you, and that day feels like the actual start of your life? That every day before that one was a day you lived not as aware, all those days before this one blur the rest and the present seems like the only thing in focus. That a year is, in reality, such a short amount of time and when it passes you look back and yet, you can’t fully comprehend how much things have really changed.

Have you ever had a day that changed your world so much you look back and wonder how did I exist before today?

***

One year ago today my life changed. And it was for the better. As I prepare for 2018, I realize that 2017 has been a crazy one. Full of sharp turns, new experiences, and feeling a hole in my life start to be filled.

Last December 29th my mom called the whole family into the kitchen and the Facebook message she read changed our entire lives. From that moment there was no going back, ever.

The baby she had given up for adoption, had contacted her. I was no longer the oldest. I was no longer the only girl. My identity changed drastically.

I guess fate didn’t think we had had enough surprises for one day and decided to plop my mom’s long lost biological fathers side of the family back into the tree. Needless to say, it was not only a great but emotionally crazy day for us all.

***

If I told you that today would be the day your life would change dramatically, but that it would be a crazy wild ride that would change how you see the world and the people in your world, would you say yes?

I did. I wouldn’t change the last year, ups and downs, for anything in the world. My heart feels healed and more complete even if sometimes I feel like I have no idea how steep the roller coaster hill I’m coming up on is. I’ve got my old and my new family members to help me out along the ride.