J

Jane The Virgin, The 100, Community, Smallville, are just some of my guilty pleasures. Basically, I just love teen/young adult TV. Let’s go ahead and throw into the mix Teen Wolf, One Tree Hill, Riverdale, Timeless, seriously I don’t even know why I am still trying to list all of these shows out there is just so many!

But let me back you up to the end of high school/beginning of college. This girl right here would have denied to the grave that she ever watched those kinds of shows. No, she was way to cool and sophisticated to be inside of a fandom. I would never stay up late at night playing out what I thought would happen to the characters and space out in class daydreaming about the next episode because I needed to find out what happened next.

Watching the shows had almost become my dirty little habit. I would plug in my headphones, get myself into a corner where no one could see me, and be all secretive about what I was doing. Pretending like I was way to cool for it all.

Why you ask, well its because I thought people would judge me. Even if someone else said they liked one of those shows I would just pretend like I had never seen it and had no idea what they were talking about while I was secretly shipping characters in my head and thinking oh I already know all of this.

I wonder now how many friendships I missed out on because I felt alone, fear holding me back from sharing my love for the on-screen drama. I used to tell people I didn’t use youtube or they couldn’t use my account because I couldn’t remember all the login in info. Really I was embarrassed that they would see that I spent lots of my time watching videos that other people put together of my favourite couples or videos of the ones I was shipping. I kept a part of me secluded for such a long time that I felt terrified that someone would discover my secret and I would be outcasted.

I buried my love for those shows so deep inside of me it became second nature to deny that I had ever seen or heard about said TV show.

I felt secluded and buried deep until I took a class in college called Youth in Media. It changed my life.

  1. I discovered Tumblr. I know I am super late to the party but I found a place where I could connect with others who also loved the same shows as myself. And totally fangirl about it (in that not so intense kind of way).
  2. I realized that a lot of the people in my class, around the same age as me, also loved those shows and they let it be known. Which was shocking to me that people I thought were cool liked the shows I thought made me lame.
  3. We watched Jane The Virgin. Before my professor told us one episode was homework she asked who all in the class had seen the show. I kept my hand down for fear of being the only weirdo. But to my surprise, a good number of people had raised there hands. My Professor loved the show and as it turned out other people did too. I had already seen the whole first season and was watching the second one as it was airing at the time. It was in that moment that I realized I wasn’t some rare weirdo breed who loved TV shows. I was one of the many people invested into a fandom.

The most important lesson I learned from that class was that its okay to do you. And sometimes you might just make a connection with a friend that you didn’t know was there.

I hope if you have any fears about feeling rejected for liking a certain TV show or genre of music or movie that you can take comfort in knowing that we all have a guilty pleasure.

#sixseasonsandamovie

9-1-1

I’m not even sure how to start this but y’all if you haven’t seen the new hit TV show 9-1-1, or at least the first three episodes, then you need to do it. Right now. Forget about work, school, your family, responsibilities and watch the show.

I just binged watched the first three episodes (the only ones that are out on Hulu last night) with my mom, and I feel like an addict separated from its fix, I need the fourth episode now. Now damn it. Right freaking now. This is probably the best show on TV ever. And I mean ever. If you are wondering what makes me qualified to say this just know I got my BA in Radio, TV, and Film.

I don’t really have a plan for writing this so it will mostly be my unfiltered and raw thoughts being played out for you to read.

Quite literally and figuratively the show takes you on a roller coaster. One second you are staring at the screen with tear-filled eyes and the next you are laughing. The first few minutes show you life, death, and hope all in a short period of time. Taking you on an emotional ride of what a first responders day must feel like. The experiences form an old dog taking it one call to another, to a newbie figuring out how to react in the world he is thrown in. The show never seems to slow down but is a continuous play by play of emergencies.

The show can be summed up in the phrase: the feels. While I was watching I couldn’t help but feel hope, sorrow, kindness, despair, relief, anger, surprise, and dread. The show has a way of putting you in everyone shoes and trying to help you understand that every job isn’t easy. That each decision each person makes weighs a toll on them. That sometimes the best decision seems like a hard one, that sometimes you have to lie to a person to save another, and sometimes there is nothing more you could have done to a save to a life. You can replay a situation over and over again in your mind and try to find a way that could have saved the person but that’s not how life works. Life is a cruel bastard that rips away pieces of you, it challenges you and tries to bring you down. But those around you that are like family are your saving grace, those around you are the ones who will help you rebuild and move forward. You are never truly alone. Remember that on your darkest days. This show encompasses all that mentioned above and pulls you deeper into the world on screen.

This is not an easy show to watch, it’s a challenge, but a challenge that is worth your while. It shows us that each of us is human, from the person needing saving, the person doing the saving, even to the bad guy who is human. This beautiful work of art on TV shows you that each person is human in the most humane way, through our actions. We all struggle with what to do each day, we all replay events in our mind, we all feel a need to find a purpose in life. And sometimes it isn’t clear why something happened. This show deals with the playing those situations over and over again in your head and how it can be a dark slippery slope down.

Watching this show I felt angry in so many ways, these characters struggle felt like mine, each saves they made was a victory and each person they couldn’t was a knife in my heart. I am by no means employed in the world of first responders but through the characters on this show I felt immersed and understanding of the lives, both personal and professional, the characters lead.

The show reminds us that first responders are not gods playing with life in their hands but people who step out and choose to try and help us. It shows how they struggle in their personal lives that they are human and all humans need saving, even those who do the saving. We should all treat each other with kindness and understand that behind closed doors everyone is fighting a battle.

First responders have an intense job, they arrive before anyone else does. They are the ones that start working to save us, they are the ones that may never know if we are okay after they drop us off at the hospital. Like doctors, they have to put each victory and more importantly each defeat behind them because the next person who comes along needs their best level of help.

I cannot even imagine what it must be like to have someone’s life slip out of your hands and have to keep going. I cannot even imagine what it must be like to keep working a shift knowing that someone died on your watch. I cannot even imagine what it must be like to have the relief of saving a life and yet not seeing that person grow and live a life. But that’s a first responders job, to keep moving forward and be ready to give the next emergency your best efforts.

First responders, much like those in the military, deserve our gratitude. They take a job that isn’t always glorious. They arrive on scenes where nothing can be done. But when they do arrive in time they hold a life in between their fingers, playing with time, fighting time to give the person one more day, week, month, year.

I want to end this post by saying a huge thank you to those of you who are first responders. You have a hard job, you have a job where I can imagine that you don’t always get thanked. So I am saying thank you, thank you for everyone you have saved. And for those moments when you tried your best but couldn’t save someone, my heart bleeds for the emotional stress I cannot start to imagine it puts on you.

So please go watch 9-1-1 and thank a first responder the next time you see one.